...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
