Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
