i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
