if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
