hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
