My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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