I could have mohawked her pubes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
