not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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