I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
