i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
