Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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