yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think my tv is drunk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
