Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
