I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
