all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
