I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And then he peed in my hair
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
