Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a search helicopter?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
