God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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