Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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