How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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