at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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