This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
