i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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