guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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