I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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