Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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