I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
