Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
