I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
