when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
