it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
foreskin is a definite game changer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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