The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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