He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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