"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
