I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
