Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize