I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
