Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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