new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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