Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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