Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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