Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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