You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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