I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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