Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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