I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
