I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
