Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
