My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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