I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
