If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
