Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
