i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
