Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
