I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
