There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
