I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
