im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
