There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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