Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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