We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
