He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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