That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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