The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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