They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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