don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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