About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
