sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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