I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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