i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
