I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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